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    Phone sex has evolved over the last several decades.

    At a certain point I decided that I couldn’t just say anymore “I’m not in the mood,” so while at a diner one night, I decided to spill hot coffee on my crotch, to give myself an excuse. You must’ve have mommy’s because they’re shining so bright. – – You’d get along fine with a British mate such as myself, who could tickle your tabby up until the wee hours.

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    There's no appeals process to say, "Yes, that was a short call but it doesn't count." If, despite the low pay, you still want to work in phone sex, the other main requirements are a land-line phone connected by a wall cord (nothing cellular or cordless, lest a 10-year-old with a ham radio listen in) and a quiet place to work without interruptions. Success in phone sex requires a good voice, salacious imagination and ability to talk drop-dead raunchy without embarrassment. This technique also conveys helpful voice-muffling qualities. "Yes - cough - you're so big I - cough - don't know if I can - cough handle it - cough oh God - ha hamf humf." But I couldn't rise to all challenges (or get the caller to, which is the same thing). Most of the guys wanted a quick phone roll in the hay, but a few had an emotional component to their fantasy.

    The next morning Alistair looked quite interested as I explained how the pay scale worked, but when I mentioned the need for uninterrupted privacy he gave me an intent look. The third one matters most in phone porn, where even Jenna Jameson's libido won't help you if superimposed over the vocabulary of a nun. I know how to flirt but that's all implication and innuendo - everything phone sex is not. Some guys even like the occasional gagging sound, which proved useful when I swallowed water down the wrong pipe and had a coughing fit. One call went well until the man said he'd just used my mouth as a toilet and wanted to know how that tasted. " I wanted to say, but that would be unprofessional. Simon, the one who told me to have a great day before he hung up, acted like his first time with a woman he'd long loved. Most of the guys liked name calling, with dirty bitch, nasty slut and filthy whore punctuating their chats. " You know how sometimes you don't notice your refrigerator running until it shuts off? All my calls, even minus their X-rated content, shared a quality I hadn't noticed until Nikolai spoke without it: a pay-by-the-minute rather than conversational tone.

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